A few months ago, the Authorised Representative for my woman’s STRAWMAN presented the Finance Director of our local Water Poisoners with payment of a quarterly charge for water and sewage charges to the home we share, in the form of an Accepted For Value remittance cheque. After several weeks of the all-too-familiar refusals to acknowledge the tender, or the fact that the presentment itself constituted payment, pursuant to the Bills of Exchange Act 1882, I was duly appointed as Agent in Commerce, in a genuine attempt to to settle and close the matter. The following is a sanitised version of the story to date.
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
23 July 2009
NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS & ACCOUNT NUMBER
I hereby serve notice that AGENT’S STRAWMAN™ has been appointed as the exclusively authorised Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof), in the genuine hope that we might settle and close any and all disputed matters pertaining to the above account, in the most honourable and expedient manner possible.
Therefore, please be advised that all further correspondence, with the sole exception of all charges for water and sewage services provided, must be sent to:
AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN
STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS
Failure to honour this express stipulation will result in a charge of GBP£150.00 being levied against TOXIC WATER for every item of unauthorised correspondence received at the mailing location below.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
23 July 2009
NOTICE OF RE-TENDER OF PAYMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS & ACCOUNT NUMBER
In order to progress towards the settlement of the on-going dispute between STRAWMAN and TOXIC WATER, payment has once again been tendered, this time by bank transfer on 20 July 2009. Pursuant to the Bills of Exchange Act 1882, until proven otherwise it will be assumed that said tender of payment has been accepted.
However, since TOXIC WATER declined the acceptance of the Money Order tendered on 15 July 2009, kindly return the instrument to the mailing location below within three (3) days of your receipt of this notice. Failure to do so will result in the assumption that the instrument has been lost or stolen.
Therefore, TOXIC WATER’s debt collection procedures must now cease with immediate effect, and the outstanding balance on the above referenced account must be adjusted accordingly, pending further investigation of your refusal to accept previous legal tenders of payment, and to answer reasonable questions pertaining to full disclosure of the terms and conditions of any existing agreement between the parties.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse- Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
27 July 2009
NOTICE OF INVALID CLAIM & DEMAND FOR DISCONTINUANCE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
In the event that you have not yet received the NOTICE OF RE-TENDER OF PAYMENT dated 23 July 2009, please be advised that electronic payment from STRAWMAN was accepted by your company on 20 July 2009. However, in an act which comprises a material breach of the payment terms expressed in your company’s “FINAL NOTICE” of 10 July 2009, which clearly states “Pay no later than 23/07/2009”, the above referenced claim was filed by TOXIC WATER’s solicitor, NED KELLY, in Kangaroo County Court on 22 July 2009, one full day before the payment deadline.
Therefore, STRAWMAN hereby serves notice that TOXIC WATER LIMITED has filed a claim which is entirely invalid, erroneous and without substance, and in so doing, your company has created a commercial injury, for which STRAWMAN is legally entitled to make a commercial injury claim for at least three (3) times the value of TOXIC WATER LIMITED’s invalid claim, which was filed for the public record as FU666FUM in Kangaroo County Court.
Furthermore, STRAWMAN demands that the appropriate NOTICE OF DISCONTINUANCE must be filed by/for and on behalf of TOXIC WATER LIMITED in Kangaroo County Court without delay, a copy of which must be received at the mailing location below within three (3) three days of your receipt of this notice. Failure to do so will result in the filing of a counterclaim that your company has falsely represented the facts of the matter to Kangaroo County Court.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
03 August 2009
NOTICE OF DISHONOUR & OPPORTUNITY TO CURE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
Following TOXIC WATER LIMITED’s dishonour of the NOTICE OF INVALID CLAIM & DEMAND FOR DISCONTINUANCE dated 27 July 2009, STRAWMAN hereby serves this NOTICE OF DISHONOUR & OPPORTUNITY TO CURE.
For the avoidance of doubt, TOXIC WATER LIMITED has filed a claim which is entirely invalid, erroneous and without substance, and in so doing, your company has created a commercial injury, for which STRAWMAN is legally entitled to make a commercial injury claim for at least three (3) times the value of TOXIC WATER LIMITED’s invalid claim, which was filed for the public record as FU666FUM in Kangaroo County Court.
Furthermore, please be advised that this notice should be regarded by your company as STRAWMAN’s final demand that the appropriate NOTICE OF DISCONTINUANCE must immediately be filed by/for and on behalf of TOXIC WATER LIMITED in Kangaroo County Court, a copy of which must be received at the mailing location below within three (3) three days of your receipt of this notice, in order to prevent the initiation of a commercial injury claim against TOXIC WATER LIMITED.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
Court Manager
County Court Bulk Centre
St Lucifer’s House
666 Old Nick’s Street
Kangaroo FU1 2FU
03 August 2009
NOTICE OF INVALID CLAIM
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear Sir/Madam,
Re: Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF INVALID CLAIM.
The above referenced claim was filed by TOXIC WATER’s solicitor, NED KELLY, in Kangaroo County Court on 22 July 2009, two full days after the company accepted electronic payment of the amount alleged to remain outstanding.
Please be advised that STRAWMAN has already served due notice and demanded that the appropriate NOTICE OF DISCONTINUANCE must be filed by/for and on behalf of TOXIC WATER LIMITED in Kangaroo County Court without delay. A Certified Copy of the dishonoured document has been enclosed for your records, along with the Response Pack, returned without dishonour.
For the avoidance of doubt, STRAWMAN does not consent to the jurisdiction of Kangaroo County Court pertaining to this matter for the following reasons:
1. Since the parties are resident in NOXIOUS CITY and County NOXIOUS respectively, any civil proceedings should be filed within the reasonable vicinity of those districts, in order to avoid any unnecessary time and expenses being incurred
2. STRAWMAN has not been given sufficient time to exhaust all available administrative remedies
Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me in writing at the mailing location below.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
05 August 2009
NOTICE OF FINAL OPPORTUNITY TO CURE DISHONOURS
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
In response to your company’s letter dated 27 July 2009 and received on 05 August 2009, the contents of which STRAWMAN rejects on the grounds that they are factually incorrect, and in the genuine hope that we might administratively settle and close any and all disputed matters pertaining to your company’s invalid claim referenced above, STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF FINAL OPPORTUNITY TO CURE DISHONOURS.
For the avoidance of doubt, TOXIC WATER LIMITED has filed a claim which is entirely invalid, erroneous and without substance, and in so doing, your company has created a commercial injury, for which STRAWMAN is legally entitled to make a commercial injury claim for at least three (3) times the value of TOXIC WATER LIMITED’s invalid claim, which was filed for the public record as FU666FUM in Kangaroo County Court.
The appropriate NOTICE OF DISCONTINUANCE must immediately be filed by/for and on behalf of TOXIC WATER LIMITED in Kangaroo County Court, a copy of which must be received at the mailing location below within three (3) three days of your receipt of this notice, in order to prevent the initiation of a commercial injury claim against TOXIC WATER LIMITED. Failure to do so will result in a charge of GBP£1,500.00 being levied by STRAWMAN, for every subsequent invalid claim in writing made for and on behalf of your company, nunc-pro-tunc.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
11 August 2009
NOTICE OF CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
In response to your company’s letters pertaining to the invalid claim referenced above, both of which are dated 06 August 2009, STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE of the conditional acceptance of TOXIC WATER LIMITED’s offer of settlement, upon receipt of your explicit written assurance that:
1. TOXIC WATER LIMITED expressly agrees that it has withdrawn the above referenced invalid claim it made against STRAWMAN
2. TOXIC WATER LIMITED expressly agrees that STRAWMAN has appointed AGENT’S STRAWMAN™ as Agent in Commerce, with whom it will now exclusively correspond
3. TOXIC WATER LIMITED expressly agrees that ROBIN HOODY will give true, correct and complete answers to any and all reasonable questions pertaining to any existing agreement of the parties
4. TOXIC WATER LIMITED expressly agrees that any subsequent unauthorised correspondence sent to and received by STRAWMAN, pursuant to NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT dated 23 July, will result in a charge of GBP£150.00, for which TOXIC WATER LIMITED will become immediately liable
Please deliver these unequivocal assurances within seven (7) days of your receipt of this NOTICE OF CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Failure to do so may result in the initiation of a commercial injury claim for three times the value of your company’s invalid claim, plus the principal, an action, for the purposes of which, TOXIC WATER LIMITED has already been served due notice.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
20 August 2009
NOTICE OF PARTIAL SETTLEMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: TOXIC WATER’S INVALID CLAIM AGAINST STRAWMAN
In response to your company’s recent offer, pertaining to the above referenced matter, as well as the NOTICE OF CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE dated 11 August 2009, MISS STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF PARTIAL SETTLEMENT. Until further NOTICE, MISS STRAWMAN has placed the commercial injury claim against TOXIC WATER LIMITED on hold, pending receipt of your explicit written assurance that:
1. TOXIC WATER LIMITED will address all future correspondence (except bills) thus:
AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent for MISS STRAWMAN
STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS
2. TOXIC WATER LIMITED expressly agrees that MR R SOLE will give true, correct and complete answers, for and on behalf of ROBIN HOODY, to any and all reasonable questions pertaining to any existing agreement of the parties.
Please deliver these unequivocal assurances within seven (7) days of your receipt of this NOTICE OF PARTIAL SETTLEMENT. Failure to do so may result in the initiation of the above referenced commercial injury claim, an action, for the purposes of which, TOXIC WATER LIMITED has already been served due notice.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
02 September 2009
NOTICE OF COMMERCIAL INJURY CLAIM & DEMAND FOR PAYMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Invalid Claim made by TOXIC WATER LIMITED against MISS STRAWMAN
Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
Following your refusal to honour all the clearly expressed terms of the NOTICE OF PARTIAL SETTLEMENT dated 20 August 2009, MISS STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF COMMERCIAL INJURY CLAIM & DEMAND FOR PAYMENT.
Pursuant to the terms of the NOTICE OF CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE dated 11 August 2009, TOXIC WATER LIMITED has incurred a liability of SIX HUNDRED AND SEVEN POUNDS STERLING & TWENTY SEVEN PENCE, which must be settled immediately.
Kindly forward a cheque made payable to STRAWMAN to the mailing location below within seven (7) days of your receipt of this notice. Failure to do so will result in the initiation of any and all administrative and/or judicial proceedings deemed to be necessary by MISS STRAWMAN, in order to cure the commercial injury caused by your company’s invalid claim.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
15 September 2009
NOTICE OF OFFER OF SETTLEMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Invalid Claim made by TOXIC WATER LIMITED against MISS STRAWMAN
Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
Following your dishonour of the NOTICE OF COMMERCIAL INJURY CLAIM & DEMAND FOR PAYMENT, sent in relation to your company’s above referenced invalid and vexatious claim against MISS STRAWMAN; in the genuine hope that we might resolve this matter without having to resort to issuing legal proceedings against TOXIC WATER LIMITED to cure the injury caused, I hereby serve NOTICE OF OFFER OF SETTLEMENT.
In good faith, MISS STRAWMAN proposes that your company’s outstanding liability of SIX HUNDRED AND SEVEN POUNDS STERLING & TWENTY SEVEN PENCE be set-off against all water and sewage charges, until such time that the debt is settled in full, provided that TOXIC WATER LIMITED fail to deliver payment to the mailing location below within the next seven (7) days.
Failure to deliver payment in full, or a complete, correct and honest response to this NOTICE, signed by your own hand in blue ink, clearly explaining why your company is declining this offer of settlement, will result in the presumption that TOXIC WATER LIMITED has agreed to set-off all future water and sewage charges against its debt to MISS STRAWMAN, in which case the commercial injury claim will be withdrawn.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
21 September 2009
WARNING NOTICE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: AGENT’S STRAWMAN & STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS
I hereby serve a WARNING NOTICE, pertaining to the Water Services Bill and valuable security (Bank Giro Credit), both dated August 2009, the latter having been issued by DARK ALLIANCE & JESTER in the name of AGENT’S STRAWMAN at STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS, for and on behalf of TOXIC WATER LIMITED.
Your company did not have the appropriate authorisation or consent to bill AGENT’S STRAWMAN, a lawfully trademarked name, or to instruct DARK ALLIANCE & JESTER to issue the above referenced Bank Giro Credit in said trademarked name.
Therefore, pursuant to the terms of the enclosed Common Law Copyright Notice, any and all further infringements following your company’s receipt of this notice, will result in charges of ONE MILLION POUNDS STERLING being levied against TOXIC WATER LIMITED per unauthorised usage, nunc-pro-tunc.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
21 September 2009
NOTICE OF PAYMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS
With reference to the water and sewage charges at the above property; in spite of the ongoing commercial dispute between MISS STRAWMAN and TOXIC WATER LIMITED, as well as the fact that only an unauthorised and invalid bill, bearing the name AGENT’S STRAWMAN, without due consent or permission, has been presented to the above address, in good faith and on the assumption that the amount charged on said invalid bill is a true reflection of the services provided, MISS STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF PAYMENT.
Please be advised that payment of EIGHTY FOUR POUNDS STERLING & ONE PENCE will be effected today by electronic transfer, the receipt of which should be acknowledged in writing by TOXIC WATER LIMITED within three (3) days of its acceptance.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
21 September 2009
NOTICE OF FINAL DEMAND FOR PAYMENT
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: Invalid Claim made by TOXIC WATER LIMITED against MISS STRAWMAN
Kangaroo County Court Claim Number FU666FUM
Following your company’s dishonour of the NOTICE OF COMMERCIAL INJURY CLAIM & DEMAND FOR PAYMENT dated 02 September 2009, and its refusal of the terms of the NOTICE OF OFFER OF SETTLEMENT dated 15 September 2009, in the form of another unauthorised letter from Mr R Sole, MISS STRAWMAN hereby serves NOTICE OF FINAL DEMAND FOR PAYMENT. This is inclusive of additional charges of GBP£150.00 for Mr R Sole’s correspondence, pursuant to the clearly expressed terms of the NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT dated 23 July 2009 and the NOTICE OF CONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE dated 09 August 2009.
Please forward a cheque for SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN POUNDS STERLING & TWENTY SEVEN PENCE, made payable to STRAWMAN, to the mailing location below within seven (7) days of your receipt of this notice. Failure to do so will result in the initiation of any and all administrative and/or judicial proceedings deemed to be necessary by MISS STRAWMAN, in order to cure the commercial injury caused by your company’s invalid claims.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: ROBIN HOODY
FINANCE DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
02 October 2009
NOTICE OF DEFAULT CHARGES
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear ROBIN HOODY,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS & ACCOUNT NUMBER
Pursuant to the terms and conditions of the NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT dated 23 July 2009; MISS STRAWMAN has received another piece of unauthorised correspondence from Mr R Sole, for and on behalf of the deliberately elusive and uncooperative Finance Director of TOXIC WATER Limited, thereby incurring default charges of GBP£150.00, which will now be added to the total compensation claimed from your company for the commercial injuries caused.
Please be advised that the Office of Fair Trading, Trading Standards and the Managing Director of the TOXIC WATER GROUP PLC will now be served notice of the appalling treatment of MISS STRAWMAN and AGENT’S STRAWMAN™ by ROBIN HOODY and Mr R Sole, as well as the invalid claim filed in the county court and the flagrant code of conduct and common law copyright breaches.
Therefore, since you have refused to honour MISS STRAWMAN’s perfectly reasonable stipulations, Mr R Sole and ROBIN HOODY are hereby expressly forbidden to contact with MISS STRAWMAN, whether by mail, telephone, mobile phone and/or in person, and any further unauthorised correspondence received will result in default charges of GBP£1,500.00 per item, nunc-pro-tunc.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: JOHN SILVER
MANAGING DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
12 October 2009
NOTICE REQUESTING ADEQUATE ASSURANCE OF DUE PERFORMANCE & FULL DISCLOSURE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear JOHN SILVER,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS & ACCOUNT NUMBER
In the genuine hope of settling the ongoing commercial disputes between TOXIC WATER LIMITED, and the legal persons, MISS STRAWMAN and AGENT’S STRAWMAN™, I hereby serve this NOTICE REQUESTING ADEQUATE ASSURANCE OF DUE PERFORMANCE & FULL DISCLOSURE.
Please provide me with specific answers to the following questions:
1. It is true that your company’s Code of Conduct stipulates that TOXIC WATER’s core values are: ethical behaviour, integrity, openness, truthfulness, honouring promises and agreements, keeping social and environmental issues at the heart of company thinking, and always being honest with those persons who regulate its trade? Please answer YES or NO.
2. Do you have firsthand knowledge of all of the correspondence pertaining to the above referenced ongoing commercial disputes?
3. Are you aware that ROBIN HOODY may be in breach of your company’s Code of Conduct? Please answer YES or NO.
4. Can you provide me with a legally enforceable original agreement between your company and MISS STRAWMAN and/or AGENT’S STRAWMAN™? Please answer YES or NO.
5. Do you understand that your company has breached the enclosed Common Law Copyright Notice by instructing Alliance & Leicester to issue valuable securities in the lawfully trademarked name, AGENT’S STRAWMAN™, without due authorisation or consent? Please answer YES or NO.
6. Are you aware that in refusing to honour reasonable requests, implied and/or express agreements, and/or its legal obligations, your company may be in breach of the established conventions of private and international law? Please answer YES or NO.
7. Do you know that ROBIN HOODY has refused to answer reasonable questions pertaining to his refusal to accept a financial instrument tendered in payment, and in so doing, he may be concealing facts pertaining to any existing, or previously existing, agreement of the parties? Please answer YES or NO.
8. Is TOXIC WATER aware that, pursuant to the Bills of Exchange Act 1882, a creditor’s refusal to accept legal tender of payment discharges the debtor’s liability? Please answer YES or NO.
9. Is TOXIC WATER aware that a Giro is commonly known as a type of cheque that can be cashed or deposited at a bank or post office? Please answer YES or NO.
10. Is TOXIC WATER aware that Bouvier’s law dictionary defines Credit as: “In commercial law, credit is understood as opposed to debit; credit is what is due to a Merchant, debit, what is due by him.” Please answer YES or NO.
11. Does TOXIC WATER, or any of its agents, partners and affiliates, deposit Bank Giro Credits into its bank accounts, and/or claim them as ‘abandoned funds’, and/or sell/deposit them on the securities markets? Please answer YES or NO.
12. If Bank Giro Credits are not legal specie of money, why are they not called Bank Giro Debits?
13. What is your company’s PUBLIC LIABILITY INSURANCE POLICY NUMBER and who is the policy’s issuer?
14. Is TOXIC WATER aware that the overwhelming weight of scientific and medical opinion is now that fluoridating the public water supply has significantly detrimental effects on human health? Please answer YES or NO.
15. Can your company provide sustainable evidence that it conducted adequate research on the potential dangers of fluoridating the public water supply, before endangering the health of its customers? Please answer YES or NO.
16. Can your company provide evidence that either MISS STRAWMAN or AGENT’S STRAWMAN™ explicitly expressed their consent to the fluoridation of the water supply at STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS? Please answer YES or NO.
17. Can you please explain your company’s statutory requirements in relation to its supply of water to the public?
18. Do you know that in November 2006, the American Dental Association (ADA) advised that parents should avoid giving babies fluoridated water? Please answer YES or NO.
19. Do you know that The Lancet recently published a medical review stating that fluoride may damage the developing brain, causing learning deficits and other problems? Please answer YES or NO.
20. Are you aware that recent scientific research has demonstrated the adverse effects of fluoridation on IQ levels, in levels as low as 0.9ppm among children with nutrient deficiencies, and 1.9ppm among children with adequate nutrient intake? Please answer YES or NO.
21. Are you aware that fluoridation of the water supply is widely believed to be a health risk to the brain and the thyroid gland, and that fluoride has been linked to bone cancer and renal osteodystrohphy? Please answer YES or NO.
22. Do you know that the industrial waste products, flurosilicic acid, sodium silicofluoride and sodium fluoride, are widely believed to present health risks not found in naturally occurring fluoride complexes? Please answer YES or NO.
23. Is your company aware that five scientific studies since 2000 have revealed that there have been no increases in tooth decay in communities which have ended fluoridation of the public water supply? Please answer YES or NO.
24. Is your company aware that fluoridation of the water supply puts low-income families in deprived areas at the greatest risk of damage to their mental and physical health? Please answer YES or NO.
25. Pursuant to the Water Act 2003, is TOXIC WATER indemnified by the Strategic Health Authority and/or the Department of Health, against any and all liabilities claimed by individuals whose health has been adversely affected by the fluoridation of the public water supply? Please answer YES or NO.
26. Regardless of the applicable statutory provisions, do you believe that it would be unconscionable for TOXIC WATER to continue fluoridating the public water supply, if peer-reviewed scientific and medical research clearly demonstrated the inevitable dangers involved in continuing to medicate your customers with the waste products from the phosphate fertilizer industry? Please answer YES or NO.
In good faith, I look forward to receiving an appropriate response within seven (7) days of your receipt of this notice.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation; in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: JOHN SILVER
MANAGING DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
12 October 2009
WARNING NOTICE
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear JOHN SILVER,
Re: AGENT’S STRAWMAN & STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS
Pursuant to the established conventions of private and international law, I hereby serve a WARNING NOTICE that TOXIC WATER LIMITED may have once again breached the enclosed Common Law Copyright Notice, which was served by Royal Mail 1st Class Recorded Delivery on your company’s Finance Director, ROBIN HOODY, along with an initial WARNING NOTICE dated 21 September 2009.
It has come to my attention that TOXIC WATER’s fluoridation of the water supply at the above referenced address, thereby medicating the supply of drinking water for human consumption and bathing, was a decision taken by your company without the explicit voluntary consent of the Authorised Representatives for MISS STRAWMAN and AGENT’S STRAWMAN™.
Furthermore, in the light of many peer reviewed, medical journals, including The Lancet, having published the results of research that proves beyond reasonable doubt that water fluoridation is damaging to human health; should it be established that TOXIC WATER LIMITED has breached any of the clearly expressed terms and conditions of the enclosed Common Law Copyright Notice, any and all infringements will result in default charges of ONE MILLION POUNDS STERLING per occurrence, nunc-pro-tunc.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation; in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
FAO: JOHN SILVER
MANAGING DIRECTOR
TOXIC WATER LIMITED
POISONERS HOUSE
NOXIOUS CITY NC6 66FU
12 October 2009
NOTICE OF DEFAULT CHARGES
NOTICE TO AGENT IS NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL
NOTICE TO PRINCIPAL IS NOTICE TO AGENT
Dear JOHN SILVER,
Re: STRAWMAN’S ADDRESS & ACCOUNT NUMBER
Pursuant to the established conventions of private and international law, as well as the terms and conditions of the NOTICE OF APPOINTMENT dated 05 August 2009, and the initial NOTICE OF DEFAULT CHARGES dated 02 October 2009, both served on your company’s Finance Director, ROBIN HOODY, by Royal Mail Recorded Delivery; I hereby serve further NOTICE OF DEFAULT CHARGES.
Please be advised that MISS STRAWMAN has received another piece of unauthorised correspondence from Mr R Sole dated 06 October 2009, for and on behalf of the deliberately elusive, conspicuously dishonourable and downright uncooperative Finance Director of TOXIC WATER LIMITED, thereby incurring default charges of GBP£1,500.00, which will now be added to the total compensation claimed from your company for any and all commercial injuries caused.
Without malice, mischief, ill will, frivolity or vexation, in sincerity and honour,
By: Freeman-on-the-Land, Upper-Case: Lower©
Authorised Representative for AGENT’S STRAWMAN™
Agent in Commerce for MISS STRAWMAN (& all derivatives thereof)
All Rights Reserved – Without Prejudice – Without Recourse – Non-Assumpsit
Errors & Omissions Excepted
